![](\"https:\/\/i2-prod.dailystar.co.uk\/incoming\/article28709374.ece\/ALTERNATES\/s615b\/1_Chris-Kamara-and-his-wife-Anne.jpg\")
<\/p>\nChris Kamara saw himself as \u201ca burden\u201d and thought his family would be \u201cbetter off\u201d without him while suffering silently from speech problems.<\/p>\n
The jubilant Sky Sports reporter was a fan-favourite on Soccer Saturday but had his life turned upside down after developing slurred speech due to a condition called apraxia. Kamara visibly began to struggle with the pronunciation of player names live on air – something which has since seen him step down from his job after 24-years with the broadcaster.<\/p>\n
Now the 65-year-old has opened up about the \u201clowest point\u201d in his life. In an extract from his book, titled Kammy<\/i>, serialised in the Mirror, he recalls developing dark thoughts as a result of his struggles while keeping the condition hidden from his family.<\/p>\n
READ MORE: <\/b>Geoff Shreeves gets new job and ex-Sky Sports man immediately aims dig at Premier League<\/b><\/p>\n
READ MORE: Jeff Stelling and Chris Kamara planning TV comeback after leaving Soccer Saturday<\/b><\/p>\n
Kamara regularly talked to animals at the end of his garden in an attempt to unravel his thoughts during that period – and some of those thoughts extended to close friend Gary Speed, who took his own life in 2011.<\/p>\n
His passage reads: \u201cI\u2019m a man who has always wanted to help, to provide, to love and nurture those around me. And now I could only see myself as a burden. A shell of the man I used to be that they would be left to look after. Seeing myself like that was like staring into an abyss. I could never reconcile that image in my head. It was unthinkable.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd it\u2019s at that point I\u2019d think, \u2018They\u2019d be better off without me.\u2019 I thought of Gary Speed and then I thought of my own position \u2013 a man in his mid-sixties, whose best days, because of a brain condition, were gone, struggling on."<\/p>\n
Kamara would think about taking \u201chimself out of the picture\u201d so that his wife and children would not have to deal with his post-illness state. That is something he now puts down to trying to cope with the issue alone, stating that sharing his problems is what allowed him to consider a brighter future.<\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/i2-prod.dailystar.co.uk\/incoming\/article31262751.ece\/ALTERNATES\/s615b\/0_2-3-CK_10-remini-enhanced.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
He eventually made the positive decision to go public with his diagnosis on Twitter, where he wrote: \u201cJust wanted to let a few of you know who tweeted me today that I am ok-ish. I have developed Apraxia of Speech & have been working to get my speech back to normal. Some days it can be a little slow and some days it\u2019s normal. Hopefully I can beat this!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Kamara added that it is hard to look back on those \u201cdark times\u201d. But he hopes he can now help others in similar positions by being open about his struggles.<\/p>\n
For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n